I love the topic of callings so when I ran across this lovely blog post by Carol Howard Merritt, I was immediately drawn in. In writing about the first major roadblock she hit on her journey to becoming a minister, she writes:
The only thing that seemed acceptable for women was playing the organ and singing in the choir. I sucked at both. … I wanted to serve God, but how?
…why had God given me all the wrong talents? Why did teaching and studying theology excite me like nothing else?
Carol kindly accepted my invitation to record a podcast and further explore her journey. We had a wide ranging conversation about all sorts of aspects of what it means to be “called.” One of the things I loved was what she said about struggles in callings:
…when I was going through the ordination process, I had a lot of struggles internally, a lot of struggles. I mean, you should have struggles, anyways, as far as “Am I fit for doing this? Does God really want me to do this? Is this my calling? Is this what I’m being led to do?” So those were natural struggles.
But I also had some struggles with some unhealthy struggles of not feeling worthy enough. You know, there were some sinful struggles. …
…in the tradition of Christianity and theology, you’ll hear about [St.] Augustine and people talking about pride being a very important sin. But many times, women deal with the other side of that sin. And that is just not feeling worthy enough, not feeling like you can do this. And so I very much resonated with that idea of, “Okay. I am made in the image of God. And I’m worthy. And I can do this.”
You’re welcome to download the interview audio along with the written transcript. Enjoy!