Reliability and Tough Love: Throwing out the excuses

“One morning she woke up and threw out all her excuses. Celebrate her accountability.”–Kobi Yamada

This is what I call a tough lesson. Not tough because it’s hard to understand. Tough because it’s hard to apply. We like our excuses–we think they’re our friends.

They’re not.

We think that excuses are our friends because they give us something to hide behind. They supply reasons, sometimes good reasons, sometimes lame reasons, for why we did or didn’t do something we should or should not have done.

Accountability is hard work. It means being willing to stand up and step up. Take the heat when something goes poorly. Not with explanations and excuses, either. Alone. I learned this hard lesson some thirty years ago when I fouled something up in my first job.

I was working in Labor and Delivery, of all places, and the doctor who was chewing me out didn’t want to hear explanations. He didn’t give a rat’s patooty about my excuses. The only thing he wanted to know was: how are you going to fix it and what will you do to see this won’t happen again? I got the message loud and clear. I’ve never forgotten it. The experience was akin to touching a hot stove–ouch!

The other time we hide behind our false-friends, the excuses, is when we fall short on ourselves. We have dreams and aspirations. Then we crush those with phrases like, “I’m too old,” “I don’t have enough education,” “I might look foolish,” or (my personal favorite) “I might fail.”

What would it be like to, as Yamada describes, throw out all the excuses? What would that look like? Here’s my vision of it.

• Own your decisions. Choose. Do it or not. And own that. No excuses.
• When stuff goes badly, own that, too. Unless asked, don’t bother with explaining why. Just apologize and say what you’ll do to make it right. Period.
• When things go well, accept credit with humility. Don’t get caught up in thinking you’re all wonderful just because you did something you were supposed to do in the first place. And don’t seek praise for simply doing your job. It’s your duty: do it and move on to the next thing.
• Learn how to say no without apology and without squirming. A lot of what we make excuses about are the things we should have said no to in the first place.
• Say yes with conviction. Yes is a promise that means, “I will do that.” So be discriminating about what you say yes to.

It's tough love. That's cause to celebrate.

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