The last week’s news has been full of talk about Tiger Woods. As a major star on the world stage, Tiger was a golden boy. Great golfer, champion, blazing trails and breaking records. He seemed to have it all: good looks, good sense, great life. And then Boom!
A great deal of Tiger’s very public downfall has been attributed to ego and arrogance.
In a recent blog post on HarvardBusiness.org, John Baldoni gives some great tips about avoiding a loss of ego control. There’s some very valuable advice here. One important point, however, was left out.
When you are receiving praise (lavish or otherwise) or criticism (scathing or lukewarm), they are not talking about You. Yes, the comments or whatever are directed at or to you. The feedback may related quite directly to something you did or failed to do. You may have real responsibility and ownership. There may be a need for reparations. In any case, remember this incredibly important point: You are a soul, playing the role of a human being.
The information you receive in the forms of praise and criticism are not descriptors of the actual You, the Soul. To understand what I mean, compare the following two sentences.
“I have a cold.”
“I am a cold.”
No one describes themselves as being the cold itself. That would be silly. You have a cold–you don’t become the cold.
We know the difference between these two states: having and being. Yet, we ascribe to ourselves and others words that confuse that understanding. We call people stupid or arrogate or brilliant or wonderful as if the people in question are those things. And yet, they are not. Like us, they are souls playing the roles of human beings.
When you are the subject of great praise or excoriating criticism, it will be very hard to remember that no matter how good the attention makes you feel about yourself or how badly you are being wounded, none of this is about You. You must exercise tremendous ego strength, enormous emotional will, genuine mental toughness to recognize both praise and criticism as equally empty. Yet if you master this recognition, you will gain priceless perspective and reduce the chance that you will fall prey to the same demons that took down Tiger and so many more like him.
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